Cancelled

Yesterday was the 8 month anniversary of Jim’s death. Bet you thought I forgot. Ha! As if. I’ve decided to cancel it. Tried to go on a night ride and commune with him as the next thunderstorm brewed. But in all the bins of bike stuff that Jim left in the garage, there wasn’t a single light that worked. I took it as a sign. I’m canceling this month’s anniversary.

Next month, on the 9 month anniversary, I will be in Sandpoint for the music festival. Josh Ritter is playing the night before. He will play Lantern…and if I am really lucky he will play Kathleen for an encore. We are staying for the next night’s concert as well, and I will wake up on Saturday to what would have been our 23rd wedding anniversary.

Too many anniversaries. And what date to celebrate or commemorate? On September 11th, 2 years ago, Jim was diagnosed. In our country, it is a hard date to forget. This year, September 11th is the Moscow Mountain Madness Run. As of last year, it is just a run, not a mountain bike race. There were rumors of renaming the run after Jim. Jim wasn’t a runner. I said “no.” The man already has a trail, a science award, and new and upcoming groover named after him.  Enough. Too many anniversaries, enough memorials.

I have to find a window of time this summer where the snow has melted from Nick Peak before it starts snowing again to spread the last of Jim’s ashes. I will save a wee bit for the grand opening of the PCEI groover. He will be the first deposit, and it will be my last.

So…for those of you that wondered. The 8 month anniversary has been cancelled. Not due to lack of interest, not due to lack of love…just due to the distractions of all that this life still has to offer.

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2 Responses to Cancelled

  1. Joan Jones says:

    It is right, and good, to do what you do. If that is active, full-body grieving, so be it. If that is eating ice cream and smiling, that, too, is good. And if it is simply going day-to-day, enjoying the distractions this life still has to offer, that is good, too. Mourning and recovery seem to find their own levels, and tho’ they lap at you for perhaps ever, one day you are simply alive and living again. Simply alive, simply living, simply Kathie.

    Muchas smooches
    jj

    • wackywidow says:

      Thanks, jj,

      Not all of the distractions are enjoyable, and some are even more sad than fun. But…this bittersweet life goes on, and it is calling me to join it.

      Kathie

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