Yesterday was 7 months. No, I did not forget it, and no, the day did not pass in the bliss of looking towards my future. Yes, I was sad…but I am used to that. Many people visit this blog and enter my grief for a bit. The “deer in the headlights” look when I run into someone in town tells me they remember, and are sad with or for me for a few moments. Perhaps anniversaries of the day, the year, will continue to remind folks. But, y’all get to visit, then leave. You are all tourists in my grief. I live here.
June is a hard month. Period. Kids are out of school…which Jim looked forward to more than any kid I know. There was a Jr High Award’s Ceremony…my favorite event of the school year, and now there is a science award in Jim’s name. June 8th is my late sister’s birthday. I miss her more on that day than the day she died. Tomorrow is my divorced parents’ wedding anniversary. I choose to take that day to remember that promises are not always kept, and that we should never take love for granted. June 19th is father’s day…and this year it falls on Jim’s birthday. This year I will not be scrambling to find a date to make a strawberry pie before or after Jim takes off on coveted “Daddy Solo” time. Jasper will be in Caldwell for 4 days this weekend, and then after 48 hours home, takes off for 2 weeks in Nicaragua. Jasper may be quiet, but he is good company, and a solid block in my day. I will miss him. June is a hard month.
Sadness is one reaction to grief. I knew June would make me sad. I am used to it. Being proactive with my time helps. I invited a friend over for dinner last night. I said yes to handing out the science award. I’m going to spend a long weekend in a cabin in McCall while Jasper is in Caldwell….and when I pick him up on Sunday, we will head straight to Burgdorf Hot Springs. They are plowing the road this week. While Jasper is in Nicaragua, I will have a few days to myself, but there is a training in Boise, and then a long weekend in Missoula. Hikes, mountain bike rides, dates with all of my wives.