This morning I woke up for coffee before swim practice to discover…Jasper, still up, headed for bed, after pulling an all nighter of homework. We talked briefly. I asked him what he could call uncle on…and he said the morning. I called the attendance hotline and claimed that Jasper was “half dead’, and that he would be in after lunch. Jasper left his homework on the counter. It was his auto-biography for english class. I read it. I laughed, and I cried. No kid should have to go through this.

Wednesdays are supposed to be my days for working on webinars for the Assistive Tech Project. I signed a contract for them in December, due in June. What the hell was I thinking? I knew I couldn’t do them in Jan-Feb…I was doing other work. I thought I would be focused and fine after Spring Break. Then April hit…I was still tired and depressed. It is May…and I am still not there. I cried uncle. I emailed the acting director of the AT project. I pulled the widow card. I needed it, she honored it, we will go have lunch.

The “friend” I had lunch with on Monday was Josh Ritter. He wins the prize for being the first single boy to ask me out for a meal after Jim’s death. I paid, because I am old enough to be his mother. I told him he put on a good act 2 days after heart-break in Spokane. He is a performer. But, I guess I do the same. I get up. I run or swim. I go to work. I laugh, I dance, I write…I tune up lawn mowers, I try to be there for my kids, I make reservations for Burgdorf for Father’s Day/Jim’s Birthday. Josh tells me his sine wave of grief has becomes less….I have to believe that will happen for me.

In the mean time….UNCLE!!!

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